I have been reading about people who believe they have Asperger’s and Borderline Personality Disorder intertwined.
They all have different reasons for believing so; here is mine.
I am unable to maintain eye contact without considerable effort — not because I am dishonest, but because it is just too intensely emotional.
My perfect mix seems to be to have others nearby doing their own thing. I always did awesome in my year-end reviews for customer service.
I called my interactions with customers 30 second love affairs — charming, helpful, attentive and empathic without the need for a long term commitment.
In real life, I have to be in a relationship, but I hate clinginess.
I refuse to marry my boyfriend because my first two husbands died and I am only 36.
My significant other describes me as low maintenance, as I do not demand anything of him physically, materially or emotionally, yet neither am I cold to him.
I tell him I love him every day and never deny him sex.
When I was younger, you could have said I was a suffocating, obsessive, needy person, but after pushing people away or being abused, I learned not to show need.
I get angry with myself and irritated with others when things get too co-dependent.
I still have friends from elementary and middle school who love me just as I am, but they only hear from me maybe every 4 months, because I fear taxing our relationship and losing them.
I get angry when I or someone else gets hurt physically or emotionally.
It’s not that I don’t care…I care too much and show my panic by trying to fix it as quickly as possible and repeatedly ordering the situation (in my head) to STOP! Watch me sway gently with the tide and I appear beautiful, touch me and I immediately shrink inward.